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Tuesday, March 31st, 2009
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1:45 am - LAW?!?!?!
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two different cases
(1) "The defendant then stated that he remembers pulling the dog out of his coat and after which he saw the victim fall and hit the table. He does not remember how the dog got into his coat and he said the dog bit him while he was trying to take the dog out. When he saw the lady fall, he went to the phone and dailed '0' and at that time he saw that he had a gun in his hand."
WHAT?
(2) "Prisoner's underlying conviction for cruelty to an animal qualified as a crime of “force or violence” for purposes of commitment as a mentally disordered offender, where prisoner struck an old and blind dog on its head with a hammer. West's Ann.Cal.Penal Code §§ 597(a), 2962(e)(2)(P)."
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| Tuesday, March 24th, 2009
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1:01 am - does anyone read this anymore?
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or has twitter completely supplanted?
if I get through this week, which is unlikely, I will buy myself 2666 as a present/reward
the limits of this human body
how much sleep is too little sleep to function?
today I forgot the combination to my lock
lost my phone
got lost
and didn't know what language I was speaking
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| Thursday, March 5th, 2009
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9:15 pm - clinic has gotten so intense; talking about clinic also intense
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a word we use a lot, that I had never heard before clinic:
triage (pronounced /ˈtriːɑːʒ/) is a process of prioritizing patients based on the severity of their condition. This rations patient treatment efficiently when resources are insufficient for all to be treated immediately. The term comes from the French verb trier, meaning to separate, sort, sift or select.[1] There are two types of triage: simple and advanced.[2] The outcome may result in determining the order and priority of emergency treatment, the order and priority of emergency transport, or the transport destination for the patient, based upon the special needs of the patient or the balancing of patient distribution in a mass-casualty setting.
Triage originated and was first formalized in WWI by French doctors treating the battlefield wounded at the aid stations behind the front. Triaging used to be taught with an emphasis on the speed of the function, rather than the accuracy of the outcome. At its most primitive, those responsible for the removal of the wounded from a battlefield or their care afterwards have always divided victims into three basic categories:
* 1) Those who are likely to live, regardless of what care they receive;
* 2) Those who are likely to die, regardless of what care they receive;
* 3) Those for whom immediate care might make a positive difference in outcome.
1 in 100 people in the united states is a lot of people.
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| Sunday, March 1st, 2009
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11:47 pm
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i am going to take up making mix cds as a hobby/nostalgicdevice/formofrelaxation
let me know if you'd like one, and give me a theme if you prefer
I am better at mopey stuff
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10:48 pm - resume what?
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song: blue turning grey, by clap your hands say yeah
word/image: 
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| Tuesday, February 24th, 2009
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11:02 pm - monitoring volcanos / chasing pavements
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today I ordered my dinner at the place down the block in chinese
the lady was very brusque with me but it sort of made my evening
"with rice - yea, four items."
"the eggplant"
"is that curry?"
"no, to go"
"yes, I would like some seaweed soup with that."
I am so homesick
no joke
no homeowner
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| Friday, February 20th, 2009
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5:29 pm
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Soon, the studio tour arrives at the "Tunnel of Love Indubitably". A voice tells the passengers to grab the hand of somebody they love, so Michael grabs Rita's hand and notices her bracelet is engraved "MR F". He asked her who "Mr. F" is, but Rita begins to change the subject. Michael turns around to see the man who had threatened him after his visit to Wee Britain and assumes he is "Mr. F". Rita tells him that the man is her uncle, and he wants Michael out of the picture. As Rita's Uncle Trevor tries to board the train, Michael throws him into a small pool. Michael, figuring Rita is a spy, tells her their relationship is over.
Michael goes to Rita's apartment, where she is packing. The police have been called on Rita and her uncle, so they have to return to England. Michael, feeling guilty, asks Rita to marry him so she can stay and get her green card. She leaves a note for her uncle, grabs the gold star she had been promised, and rushes off with Michael. Meanwhile, the CIA agents are looking at the file they have on Rita. It is marked "MR F", the acronym for "mentally retarded female." We then see Rita unwrap the gold star and eat the chocolate center.
Foreshadowing/Future References
Before it is revealed Rita is an MRF at the end of the episode, numerous hints are made.
Rita begs Michael, like a child, to get George Michael a toy train for his birthday.
Rita screams giddily when she learns that Michael will spend the day with her.
Although Michael rolls down the hill because it collapsed under him, Rita clearly rolls down the hill under her own will.
When Rita complains to Uncle Trevor, her complaints are designed to make it look like she's a spy who refuses to do the missions he gives her, when in fact, he's been assigned to care for her due to her condition. Her complaints about "your instructions, your letters" and "you do the math" can be interpreted either way. As she says "little missions," she holds up a model of a "mission" in the sense of a building used by Christian missionaries. (The Spanish missions are an important part of the history of California, where the show takes place, and it is common for grade-school students to build model missions as part of the curriculum.)
Rita remembers she would do anything for the piece of jewelry in the box. In the end, we learn that the supposed piece of jewelry that Rita would "do anything for" is, in fact, just chocolate.
The "note" that Rita leaves for Trevor is simply a tracing of her hand with a sad face drawn inside of it. (possibly meant to suggest her hand waving goodbye)
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| Sunday, February 8th, 2009
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2:01 pm
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i can't/don't want to lose any more weight
yesterday I only ate half of a noodle soup bowl < -- really frightening
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, February 3rd, 2009
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10:41 pm - clearly, manic
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| Sunday, February 1st, 2009
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1:19 am - twitter, i can tell, is increasing the brevity of my LJ posts
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this much human interaction is disorienting
uses of text message I enjoy: talking shit in presence of those being talked about
ex #1: "this is abject"
ex #2: "this guy keeps spitting on me"
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| Saturday, January 31st, 2009
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12:41 pm
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I have had so many conversations about the new york times magazine piece about female desire this week
lots of monkey sex jokes
how much can it explain really, though, of those questions i most want answers to
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3:50 am
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| Wednesday, January 28th, 2009
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10:22 pm
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the ice has been sitting around for weeks, just chillin, collecting grime, turning brown
today it rained and the whole city turned the consistency of a slurpee
walking anywhere was not walking it was wading
there was this game we all kept playing, lifting one foot over a still grey, uneven surface: "is that asphalt or a slush puddle?" usually I guessed wrong, ended up knee-deep.
tonight it will get cold and the slush will freeze over and the entire surface of this town will be one large sheet of ice
how will I get anywhere?
got to get a pair of skates
consistency switch
you have no idea how dry the world can be, my podcast making, zine compiling, salon coordinating, powerpoint presenting, poem composing friends. I am grateful for your creativity.
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| Monday, January 19th, 2009
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1:22 pm - a readers companion to Milk
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" We protect those rights not because they contribute, in some direct and material way, to the general public welfare, but because they form so central a part of an individual's life. “[T]he concept of privacy embodies the ‘moral fact that a person belongs to himself and not others nor to society as a whole.’ And so we protect the decision whether to marry precisely because marriage “is an association that promotes a way of life, not causes; a harmony in living, not political faiths; a bilateral loyalty, not commercial or social projects.” We protect the decision whether to have a child because parenthood alters so dramatically an individual's self-definition, not because of demographic considerations or the Bible's command to be fruitful and multiply. And we protect the family because it contributes so powerfully to the happiness of individuals, not because of a preference for stereotypical households. The “ability independently to define one's identity that is central to any concept of liberty” cannot truly be exercised in a vacuum; we all depend on the “emotional enrichment from close ties with others.”
Bowers v. Hardwick (dissent)
so pretty! lump in throat.
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| Saturday, January 17th, 2009
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11:27 am - for the love of god, I'm taking an exam
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| Monday, January 12th, 2009
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8:41 pm - answer to elise
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A: Shaq
i have never hurt like this!
it is not the intensity or quantity that is remarkable, it is the quality
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| Wednesday, January 7th, 2009
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10:40 pm - aaaaaaaaaa
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what about israel and the gaza strip? what about apple and DRM?
what about abuse of force and BART protests?
what about community involvement and responsible citizenship and getting tied to a chair in your own apartment by a burglar while he steals all your shit?
what about the inauguration and keeping track of appointees?
what about the use of arabic language religious terminology in the context of day to day english language political discussions and what about being an "expert" on it?
what about catching up on back episodes of mad decent radio?
what about humanitarian relief workshops and am I going to get a masters at some point in my life, while pregnant, perhaps?
what about global finance - what about iceland?
i can't get my brain around all this and still do my life i feel crazy and isolated
what about 2009?
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2:03 am
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According to Nijinsky's Diaries, made during the weeks before his mad seizure, Diaghilev intended the music to describe a homosexual encounter between three young men, and Nijinsky wanted to include an airplane crash. The final version of the story involved a man, two girls, and a game of tennis.
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| Tuesday, January 6th, 2009
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11:45 pm - unlocking the locked or "eternal return"
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Tuesday, July 11th, 2006
all I dream about these days
is closure, and metaphors for closure.
It isn't fair. i'm asking for so little: one phone call, one sentence.
Wednesday, July 12th, 2006
puffy on bart
suddenly everything I try to eat tastes like mud.
i don't get how it could get so much better and then all of a sudden be so awful.
I mean it's lunchtime. I usually love lunchtime. I'm not even in a bad mood.
I just hate being nothing to somebody. How can a person be nothing? how can you share a bed with and live with nothing for a year?
I don't want to be a stand-in when for me its the real thing.
I don't want to be reduced to a two dimensional stock character in some shoddy amateur short story written by a wannabe womanizer.
boy im a mess
i was so proud of myself and how well I was doing for a while, too.
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| Friday, January 2nd, 2009
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12:56 am - ascending towards the divine in 09?
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Things I want to do in 2009
1. Become more invested in the community I actually live in -- attend farmers markets, read the local news, get involved in local work if I can
2. Start and/or maintain some awesome epistolary correspondence of the long-form, and preferably, paperbound genre (plz to email me addresses)
3. Be physically mindful: do yoga everyday, go for more walks, wake up and go to bed in a disciplined manner, eat well (cut down on sugar, increase salad intake, attempt to replace coffee with tea), be clean, my body is a temple!
4. Be empowered: which in the context of my life now, generally means, make the best out of situations, in an active, way; track and correct my particular brand of unhealthy cognitivebehavioral reflexes, try not to do things b/c I think I don't have any other choice
5. Diversify: branch out in my haunts, sit in diff. cafes, go into stores and browse, go to more concerts in the area, hang out with more diff. folks, hopefully meet people from different depts and/or walks of life, listen to more podcasts, read novels, go on as many trips as possible
6. Start a morning routine
Things I don't want to do in 2009
1. overload myself with too many commitments; say yes when I shouldn't
2. be negative or resentful; think or talk shit; close myself off from people around me
3. get caught up in hyperambitious bullshit; forget that there is more than one path
4. forget how to have conversations that are not about the law
5. get down on myself
6. give up on love
...this shit makes me sound like I should join a cult, or like, one of those pathetic self-realization workshops
Here is a different way I approached things this year:
Reasons why I am not happy: potential candidates
1) shitty food, specifically lack of produce, excess of grease, no comfort/chinese food
2) not enough sunlight
3) lack of good friends/family
4) overworked and stressed
5) social hoop-jumping anxiety
6) caffeine highs and lows / sugar highs and lows
7) lack of enrichment - world too homogeneous and narrow (b/c my favorite thing about college was the breadth I felt in my life)
8) sleep deprivation
9) no exercise, movement
Ways to correct each of these candidates
1) ask frequently and shamelessly for rides to buy groceries; cook more at home; walk to nica's on weekends; be inventive and make do; eat greens at every chance regardless of how carb-craving you are; eat breakfast every day
2) get up really early every day; have breakfast, sit by window; work in dining hall instead of library; bundle up a lot and walk a lot on weekends
3) do nice things for friends I do have at school; write postal letters at night; keep a diary; keep up therapy; be nice to strangers - smile etc; keep up lunch dates; stay in touch with folks in other cities
4) don't fuck around on the Internet late at night for no reason; limit gchat; 9-5 it; be disciplined about bedtime/waketime; turn off computer an decompress after dinner so light stimulation lower; read books and watch movies instead of net surfing; potentially leave computer at school more days?; work weekends at leisurely pace; print readings to read instead of reading off computer screen even if it's expensive - it is worth it to preempt the exhaustion!
5) remember to breathe; practice cog-behavioral stuff; keep going to therapy; meditation; pray for help
6) replace coffee with tea, seriously; bring kleen kanteen everywhere
7) read novels; listen to TAL and other podcasts regularly; keep updated on art scene, artcasts?; watch movies; go to shows in town; go to museums in town; go to bookstores in town; draw, write, and take photos on weekend walks; read the local paper; create stuff; go to ann's salons; go on trips as much as possible
8) see #4: be disciplined about bedtime/waketime, do yoga every day to work out nervous energy
9) register for more than one yoga class for more options; do it strictly every day, b/c 20 min is always available
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